Jim’s Daily Rant. My Meditation Speech. Part II. The Funniest Joke I ever Heard.

Note: If you have not read Part I yet then please read this first. Part I

These are anecdotes from my life that demonstrates how our mind can determine the health of our body:

1) Running For My Life.

Beginning around the age of 21 I ran 3 miles every other afternoon for 15 years. I never played sports so this was new to me. I did it because it relaxed me after work; I was not much of a drinker.

I later learned about “Runner’s High” when you are loaded up on endorphins and end up in a total relaxed state.

A runner’s high is a brief, deeply relaxing state of euphoria. Euphoria is a sense of extreme joy or delight.

In this case, it occurs after intense or lengthy exercise. Often, people who experience a runner’s high also report feeling less anxiety and pain immediately after their run. Source

2) Beautiful Mary.

In 1969 I was in a Psychology class when the professor brought in a Lie Detector (polygraph) machine and asked for a volunteer. Mary, a 19 year old girl, made the mistake of volunteering. She was wired up and told to “answer the first two questions with “Yes”, then remain silent for the remainder of the experiment.

Question 1: “Is your name Mary”; Answer” “Yes”;

Needle: On a scale of 1 to 10, it went to around 3.

Question 2: “Is your name Bubba”; Answer” “Yes”;

Needle: Went to around 8.

Word 3: Tee Shirt.

Needle: Went to around 2.

Word 4: Vietnam.

Needle: Went to around 7.

Word 5: Umbrella.

Needle: Went to around 2.

Word 6: Pregnant.

Needle: Went to 10, and almost bent the needle!

She then took her seat, totally red faced from the instant she heard the word.

The Professor slowly put away the machine then walked over and apologized to Beautiful Mary. He said he just pumped so much Adrenalin into her that it would take about three hours for it to dissipate allowing her to finally calm down.

My immediate thought at that moment was I felt sorry for anyone asking her for a date right now because he would certainly get his eyes clawed out.

The Professor then lectured on how our brain stores memories. Not only does it have the sights and sounds of that moment in time, but it also keeps a record of all of the body secretions injected into the blood at that instant. A happy memory can return the blood back to excessive endorphins; a frightening, uncomfortable or angry memory would be accompanied by adrenaline. This is proven by hypnosis leading a subject back in time to that memory moment.

3) The Broken Back Problem.

Years later my 17 year old son was the passenger in a car accident that broke his back. The doctors needed time for swelling to go down before they could x-ray him. They needed to immobilize him because the wrong twitch could paralyze him for life. Their solution was no pain or sleep medications for three days. As long as he was awake the pain kept him still.

I visited him on the third evening and found him exhausted and depressed because it hit Superman that he might end up in bed for life. Stupid me told him a joke to cheer him up. He laughed and immediately moaned with pain and went rigid. Then he would look at me and laugh again. He cycled through this pattern about five times before I retreated and cried on the way home because of my blunder. The next morning I met one of his nurses in the hall and asked about his night. Her response was “He was in a lot of pain, but in spite of it all, he managed to tell his little dirty joke to every nurse on two shifts. We even rounded up a few strays to send into his room because it made him so happy!”

Up until a year ago I did not understand what happened that night. He self medicated by laughing and super oxygenated himself, producing endorphins. This dulled the pain and freed himself from depression.

4) Fun In Andalusia, Alabama on Weekends.

I did a three month consulting job in putting a company into volunteer Bankruptcy and starting the reorganization plan. One Friday after lunch the boss was out and the crew was sitting around gabbing about weekend plans. One 40 year old woman there had earlier shared that she was from a small hick town with only one red-light. I asked her what kids did in Andalusia on Saturday night.

She immediately turned red faced and refused to answer. I knew I had struck gold and goaded her.

She reluctantly told of her dating her husband shortly after he returned from Vietnam. The only action in town was grilling a hog in the woods while sipping alcohol. Her boyfriend and his war buddy volunteered to secure a live hog Friday afternoon and prepare it for Saturday night. She tagged along.

They put it in the back of his new Bronco. On the way the hog got ornery and upset, thrashing around banging the car. The boyfriend panicked and hollered for the buddy in the back seat to do what the Vietnamese do to calm the water buffaloes.

As luck would have it, the buddy turned around and masturbated the beast just as they stopped for that only red-light, in the downtown section. All she could do was slump down in the front seat and hope no one recognized her while the free show went on!

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I know you are going to email me and ask so here it is.

My lifelong Mantra was “I am searching for the world’s funniest joke.” That ended after the broken back night. I found it and stopped looking.

An elderly couple went into a swanky hotel on Miami Beach. The old Gent asked the desk-clerk if they had any rooms available. He answered “Yes we do.” His old wife hollered “What’ed he say?” The Gent hollered in an aggravated tone ”He says he’s got some rooms.”

The Gent then asked what the room rates were and got the answer $183.50 per day. His old wife hollered “What’ed he say?” The Gent hollered ”It’s 200 bucks a night.”

They decided to stay and the Clerk was registering them. He casually asked “Where are you folks from?” The Gent said “New York.” The Clerk stopped typing, got a smirk on his face and said “I was in New York once – worst piece of ass I ever had.”

The old wife hollered “What’ed he say?” The Gent hollered back “He thinks he knows ya!”

See: Correct Link to Part III – Time Traveling Backward and Forward.