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Jim’s Rant For The Day. The Joking Season.

‘Tis the season I love all year. When my daughter was around 28 and married with a home she may have been a bit too happy, perhaps becoming a little uppity. So as any loving father would do, I sent her two letters in the mail to take her down a peg or two. I will share the second letter with you tomorrow.

A few things you need to know about Jeannette and Anthony. They both had hairy problems. She was most proud of hers and he was an early morning construction worker so he only had time to shave in the evenings. The thing about the letter below that irked Jeannette the most was that someone actually thought she had knappy hair. But to this day I can slip up and call her “Knappy” and still elicit a smile.

FYI: She got the mail first and when he got home she ran to him and scolded him “Because you don’t shave we have to go off with a traveling preacher!”

Most Reverend Al Johnson

First Church of the Tabernackle

2115 E Balford Road Locksville, Tenn 36851

Dear Anthony and Jeannette:

Perhaps you have heard of me and out wonderful church. We are known through the Southeast because each Spring and Summer we tour your area preaching the word of god.

We travel with our good friends the Bakers. They sit in front of the stage while I preach about the evils of drugs and alcohol. They both face the audience and as I share she will act quite flirtatious with the men, occasionally pulling her knappy hair aside and winking at a few. Every now and then she will spread her legs a bit opening her dress and exposing her true inner self. He just sits on the stage glaring at the people, passing gas, scratching the hairy nubs on his face and making obscene gestures. The audience truly can’t take their eyes off of them and generously respond to the collection basket.

I suppose by now that you are wondering why I am writing to you about this. Well as fate would have it, the Bakers died unexpectedly during one of their late night escapades. I will dearly miss my partners in doing the Lord’s work.

I was depressed for the last few weeks believing they were irreplaceable until a mutual friend of ours highly recommended the two of you as replacements for the Bakers! I will be in your town next Tuesday and will contact you when I arrive. I do look forward to meeting the both of you in person!


Most Rev Al

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