We are going into the chaos depressed people period. I am 76 and Betty is 71. Because of her COPD she just got a Handicap badge hanging on the car mirror. She does most of the shopping for our three family tribe.
She makes a monthly trip into Alabama to buy tobacco products for the smokers at discount. I went with her the other day and was surprised to see her walk out with a big cardboard box of products. When asked the cost I was shocked to hear $700. I realized that now she is a target. A desperate person might guess $1,000 of sell-able products in that box. And this is before the prices go up further in the chaos.
We always knew this time of danger would arrive. We both have Concealed Carry permits but I am told they are no longer required in Florida – anyone can conceal carry in state.
I am short and fat. To wear a tee shirt hanging below the belt I have to wear suspenders under the shirt, which I hate. If not I may hurt my back trying to quick draw with my pants around my ankles, with one hand concealing the family jewels and the other searching under the trouser legs. In order to escort her I will have to change my clothes first. No impromptu trips.
I purchased an over-sized $17 bag built to carry a handgun and a $7 Medical patch to be super glued on it. I cut a 16 inch clear plastic tube to mimic an Oxygen line and curved it to hang out. Total investment of $24 for a bag that stays locked in the trunk awaiting spur of the moment use.
All I have to do is follow a distance behind her and retrieve the most persuasive 1911 cannon, point it at the sky and holler “Run” while I hyper-ventilate for real. No one would ever suspect and no one gets hurt.
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