Jim’s Daily Rant. My Whistle Blowing and Akashic Records On Women.

On my journeys into the Akashic Records of the universe I realize I need to atone for my life’s mistakes. One huge mistake was to underestimate girls.

As a seven year old I learned to look down on them thus understanding the axiom of “Just a girl” at a very early age. That seemed to waste away around my senior year in High School. I had seven sisters and broke the law my looking in one’s purse. I found one of the small Girl’s Survival Handbooks given out in Home Economics classes.

I realized my maturity had been deliberately set back two years just by one entry in that book. I felt so violated and stupid when I discovered it. When dating I would get so excited when a date wore a sleeveless top because I could sneak a peek at her underarms in “The Hunt”. That was because whenever I pointed to a crotch and asked what it was I was sternly told “Mustn't touch it”. I didn’t know where else to look for the real thing called something else, thanks to that horrible handbook.

My sin is I never shared what I read with my male friends; I kept it for myself. The girls were on to our most intimate secrets plus had more information on us than we had. I guess I just didn’t know how to tell them. That book even took them through marriage.

The reason men have slits in the end of their thing is so they can get oxygen to their brains.

Girls were taught to pinch the tip, depriving them of oxygen, and they will simply go back to sleep.

The reason men have funny names for their thing is because a man can’t stand to be told what to do by strangers.

The reason women have nail clippers and files in their purse is not to do their nails. It’s for when her man complains about having a hang-nail.

Girls were taught that they could offer a cold beer to a man and train him to sit up like a dog kissing their their butt cheeks. That’s why I don’t drink beer. I at least held out for pork chops.

Girls were even warned to marry a Baptist over a Catholic. That is because it is easier to warm up a cold Baptist than to cool down a hot Catholic.

But the cincher was why they carry alcohol swabs in their purses. They could be used to swab his testicles. She would then say “look at that smoke” and they would both look down at the same time banging their heads together. She could then say she was no longer in the mood because of a splitting headache, and he would have to agree without getting mad.

They were even taught to train him to finish on certain work commands!

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Now let me tell you what I got yesterday from the Akashic Records. Weaker sex my ass, I will never see them that way again.

Men feel kingly because they make one or two good phone calls a day or lift something heavy. Then they go home and just poke in fun.Whereas, women do the work of gods by creating life. Not only that, love and nurturing flows through their blood 24 hours a day. It never stops no matter what her mood is or while she works a responsible job.

Physics tells us that our universe is made up of atoms and particles with huge spaces between them. The love emanating from women is what holds it all together! Without them there would be no love, or even a reason for love, in the universe. Therefore, there would not be a universe, much less men.

I think right now I should give up the title “Lord of the Castle” and just settle for a cold beer.