As I read this and your "rant" this came to me. Because you are struggling so hard something deep inside of you is trying to get your attention beyond your brain. Good and Evil always ends in confusion and death in one form or another...it pits one against another and always blames. The spirit behind good and evil is constantly fighting to not allow what is pure Good in all things to appear in our thinking patterns.
So...why not take time to walk out of the room of constant questions (seemingly unanswerable) and walk into a room of silence and see if what you are wanting speaks with no religion or your help. I know because I experienced that voice that was able to give me the peace and assurance I needed to continue on living in this world of confusion and blame with peace that passes understanding.
Good and Evil against each other (each side claiming to be good) has no answer. Thanks for being open...I know that much prayer is going up for you.
Curtis W.
Response: Thanks for the advice.