Jim’s Rant For The Day. Chinese Yellow Dick.
I apologize for all you long-time readers for this repeat tale but for you new-comers, it will help you understand what kind of a weekend I have had so far.
The businessman had been back from his his trip to China only a few months when he began having problems with his private part. When he was desperate enough to see a doctor he was told to wait while the doctor researched the books. The doctor returned and said that he had Chinese Yellow Dick, and the articles on it said he had to have an amputation immediately. The man dressed and stormed out.
Being that he lived in New York city, he felt he had a better chance if he sought out a Chinese doctor as he would be more familiar with the disease. Upon examination the Chinaman confirmed the disease. While the Chinaman was writing out a prescription, the man told him that the American doctor said it required immediate amputation. The Chinaman laughed and said, “Oh ho, America doctors so funny. No have to amputate.” The man said, “Oh thank god doctor.” The Chinaman then turned back around and said, “Just wait two week and fall off by self!”
Last week, after reservations, my wife bought me a heavy duty, gas powered hedge trimmer so I could reclaim the farm back from the jungle. I was 75% completed yesterday morning when she hollered that when I finished that I could clean the garage out. I had no choice; I sliced through most of the tip of my pinkey finger.
Being that I go into shock easily when injured, I called her on the phone and told her to stand by. Now there was no pain nor blood involved here (still no pain). But on the way to the hospital I began to go incoherent. She said that when she pulled up to the front door of the hospital I said I was going to throw up, I opened the car door, leaned out, passed out and rolled out onto my head on to the sidewalk. I came to wondering if I had had another birthday already and sporting a bald spot on the top of my hitherfore hairy head from the concrete rash.
The doctor who stitched me up was keying into his computer afterwards, looked over at me and said, “I am sorry, but I have too.” I now have “Dumbass” on my permanent record.
He also said that more than likely, the tip will turn black and in two weeks “Fall off by self.”
When I got home my initial instinct was to blame my wife for the whole thing and tell her that I have been rolled out of cars by prettier girls than her before, but I just couldn’t lie to her, she’s still the prettiest. My only problem with all of this is, being the accountant in the family, I was so looking forward to teaching our new Grand-Daughter how to count to ten. Now I may have to settle for nine and a half.