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  • Jim Costa

Jim's Daily Rant. People Skills For My Grandson.

Below is a letter I sent my 18 year old Grand-Son recently out of High School. He is now learning the grocery business at Publex.


Please allow me to share three treasured skills that I learned as a young man like yourself.

They have helped me tremendously and I feel will be valuable to you as well.

But first I wanted to congratulate you on your decision to learn the grocery retail business. As you probably know, I did the same for five years beginning in my Sophomore (defined as Educated Fool) year in High School and part time while in Junior college.

I learned many life skills there, such as pride in my work, good work ethic, the thrill and pride of feeling myself grow, etc. But the best paycheck was learning to deal face to face with people. That is a skill that must be learned but hard to find a job the accelerates it like the grocery environment.

Double down on it. Size people up. Predict how they will react. Read their body language. Learn how to conquer them by making them laugh or at least, smile.

Gift 1: I was a 19 year old Freshman at Junior College in Psychology class. This was in 1968, in the heart of the Vietnam war.

The professor brought in a polygraph machine. This was a surprise because the last several courses were about how glands secrete chemicals that sang our moods and bodies. So for me it was a huge jump to the lie detector machine.

He called beautiful 20 year old Mary to come forward. He connected the wires to her and instructed her only answer the first three questions with just a “yes” or “no”. The first question was to be answered with a “Yes” and the second was to be a “No”. After that she was forbidden to say a word.

Question: “Is your name Mary?” Answer: “yes” Dial: Moved to a 2 out of 10.

Question: “Are you a college student?” Answer: “NO” Dial” Moved to 8.

Word: Tee Shirt Dial: Moved to 2.

Word: Vietnam Dial: 9

Word: Pregnant Dial: Bent the needle at 10.

He removed the wires and Mary returned to her seat. But her mood was most embarrassed and angry; all red faced. She was livid! He looked directly and softly apologized for what he had just done to her. Then he began his lecture. Truthful and non-meaningful words do not impact our bodies. Lies do.

He continued. Some words elicit memories and feelings to us that can be uncomfortable. They are like miniature time machines, taking us back to a memory. But that memory rests our bodies back to the emotional chemical condition our body was in when the memory was created. A happy memory relaxes our body. A terrifying memory puts our body in a fight or flight, terrified state.

He said that obviously she was fearful of people she knew that were in the war.

He said most young women have millions of thoughts of love, marriage and having a family with babies. And at the same time, they are terrified of getting pregnant at the wrong time.

Then he explained that from her memory she just shot enough adrenaline into her body to keep her pumped up and stressed for the next six hours. I realized that if I ever wanted to ask her for a date, after class was a bad time. She would have clawed my eyes out!

My Conclusion: People torture themselves by remembering arguments or dwelling on their mistakes or need for vengeance. It is healthier to tell yourself a mental joke to laugh and relax your body. Then vow to never return to the hurt; it’s bad for you. Forgive and forget. At every moment, you have the choice to make yourself happy or sad. You choose.

Gift II: When I was 22 I began working for the City of Pensacola, Finance Department. In the mornings I was an outside bill collector for delinquent utility bills. In the afternoon I was in the office negotiating payment plans for the customers I had turned off their gas/water.

After a year I got an invitation from my 50 year old counterpart at Gulf Power Company. I met him in his office for a half hour; he the Guru, me the student.

I immediately questioned him about two unusual items on his desk. The first was this devise pictured at the bottom.

He said it teaches Newton’s third law of Motion – for every action there is an equal reaction. If you pull back and release one ball then one ball swings out the same distance from the other side. If you pull back three balls then three swing from the other side. I inquired why it was on his desk.

My Conclusion: He responded that it was to remind him that if he was rude, or raised his voice, then the customer reacted the same way, until they could no longer make conversational progress.

The second was a two inch plastic model of something like a finger (below).

The Hypothalamus is the colorful small section in the bottom right.

It is considered part of the “old brain” section that controls the emotional chemicals injected into the body as needed. They can calm you or instantly prepare you for the fight for your life, such as adrenaline.

He said it reminds him that when a person raises his voice they have become emotional and just injected adrenaline into themselves. They are now ready to fight and can no longer use logic or think clearly.

He said that if you can’t calm them down by speaking softer yourself, then it becomes time to withdraw from the negotiations as nothing good can come from it now.

My Conclusion: I believe in solving problems with brain storming for options, calm exchange of ideas and concerns. I believe we plan better when calm. When emotions peak with the volume, it is best to walk away from the conversation if you can’t calm it quickly. You can always come back.

Gift III. Develop your psychic skills to read peoples’ personalities just from seeing their body shape. This is the most powerful tool you can gain because you can do what 99% of the population fails to. It is like cheating at poker. Acquire this skill will take you only two hours to learn.

Take the attached 15 minute test to prove to yourself that the system is real. Then watch the one hour seminar twice. Twice is needed because you will miss a lot said as you are amazed at what you just heard and accept. This process can be mind blowing the first time.

Seminar: Go to: FreeBusinessSchool.US

Then Go to: Curriculum

Then Go to: Personal Development Select: Spotting Personalities

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